Monday, October 19, 2009

In Which I'm Totally Busted

Mr Bird had a conference in Sacramento, Ca last month.
Since I grew up 30 miles south of there and my mom and other family is still there we used that as a great excuse to have a road trip.
We loaded all the kids in the car and 12 solid hours of driving later we were in my home town.
We had a fabulous visit with my family.
(I use the word fabulous very loosely)
But this post is not about my family. I really just can't even go there.
We left my home town and spent a few days on the beach before we had to be back in Sacramento for Mr Bird's conference. Now that truly was fabulous. Sometimes my soul aches for the coast. I can still feel the salty breeze and see the fog on the horizon. I can hear the crash of the waves on the sand and I long to be back there.
My spectacular cousin, Laurel lives in Monterrey so of course we had to meet up for an amazing dinner with her and her cute hubby right on the pier. It was a truly magical night. My kids loved her. I can't wait until we all go to Disney Land together. What a blast that will be!
When it came time for Mr Bird's conference we high tailed it back to Sacramento.
We stayed in the Hyatt Regency, right behind the California State Capitol Building.
It was very posh.
We felt a little like fish out of water though.
The whole entire hotel was filled with very dignified men and women undoubtedly in town on business for the Governator himself. Then here comes our family with 4 little ones in toe who were so excited to see and touch everything.
*Double Yikes*
Anyway, none of this is the point of my post. Here is the real point.
As a home school mom I am always on the look out for fun and educational activities for the kids, even on vacation.
Being within a block of the California State Capitol the choice was obvious.
So, while Mr Bird was in his boring conference I loaded the stroller and we strolled our way over to the magnificent building for a peek see.
I hoped to get a little California history in them and I secretly wanted to see the Governator.
As we entered the huge doors I saw myself run smack dab into a very hairy situation.
As the huge doors opened for my little clan I found myself staring an armed guard right in the face. My stomach dropped as I looked dumbly at the huge metal detector behind his shoulder, which seemed to be laughing at me. At that moment I wondered what they would do with 4 children if they, for some reason, needed to arrest their mother.
You see, as I met eyes with the taunting metal detector I remembered the huge, claw ended, stainless steel knife in the bottom of the stroller.
I had made home made bread for our trip and earlier in the day we went to the park and had sandwiches. I packed my vicious looking knife to cut the bread and IT WAS STILL THERE.
I knew it was only moments before they would find it.
Should I just drop everything, kids and all and just run away?
I could make it to our hotel, get the car then drive 30 miles to my mom's house and hide there forever. No one would ever know.
Then I heard Beano say at the top of his little lungs in the huge, echo-y marble hall,
"Look mom! He has a real life gun!"
Ya, I was not running anywhere.
I decided to just come clean on my own, maybe they'd give me a reduced sentence.
I said something that I'm sure was utter nonsense. Something to the effect of: I had to feed my kids and I was cutting bread and I really did not bring it here on purpose.
I think they believed me because of the panic in my voice and the huge drops of sweet forming on my brow.
They confiscated my favorite bread knife and made me sign papers.
Papers saying I had brought a 12 inch knife into the capitol building.
They even let us in, after they had my knife of course.
As I was trying my hardest to turn back to a nice shade of pink from the chrimson I had just been, the nice guard says with a sly grin, "If you come back out this door we'll give your machete back to you!"
I think he was trying to be funny.
So NOT funny!
As I pushed the stroller around the corner I was shocked to see nothing less than the Governators office less than 100 yards from the door I had just tried to smuggle my machete through.
Outside his door was yet another armed guard. Just as we were passing, a woman in a suit came out of his office. The door opened just enough for me to see that his office was full of business looking men and women.
I'm sure they were all from out of town and were staying in the Hyatt.
I assume the Governator was in there, although I did not have time to make any sort of visual confirmation.
Ya, I got busted for bringing a machete into the California State Capital, not 100 yard form the Governator himself.
Oh Dear, not my brightest moment!


Karen said...

I love it - sounds exactly like something I would do. I'm glad you didn't get arrested :-)

Danielle Petersen said...

That is a way funny story!!!

I am sad though that I didn't know you were coming before maybe I could have gone with you and perhaps helped (or perhaps not cuz I am more likely to enhanse a situation like that then prevent it)But it would have been great to see you!!!

FowersFive said...

You tell a great story Dreamer! I'm glad they didn't arrest my home-schooling, bread-baking friend!

The Lazy Organizer said...

I'm always getting busted for carrying sewing scissors and knitting needles around.

There is no reason for you to get so nervous unless you have some kind of a record already. Do you have something you need to tell us? You do, don't you?

Karen said...


I accidentally took pepper spray to a concert a few weeks ago. But, somehow, The Killers aren't as carefully protected as the Governor.