Mommy Me

To say motherhood is totally different that I expected would be an understatement.

I had no idea I could love another mortal like I do these little beings.

It's like having 5 little pieces of my heart on parade.

I watch them fall and it breaks my heart just a little, every single time.

I watch them mess up and I feel like a failure.

They laugh and my spirit soars.

Their pain is my pain.

Their joy is my joy.

All I want to do is protect them and keep them safe and happy and fed.

Like a mother hen.

Like a mother bear other times.

I am constantly amazed at how intertwined our lives are.

I can only pray is stays like this forever.

I want to be present in their lives for the rest of mine.

I never knew the depth of a mother's love until I became one.

I never knew the sheer frustration of a mother until I became one.

I never knew the sleepless nights, the total commitment, the sheer stress of a mother until I became one.

I never knew that laughter could come from your toes or that the tears could be so bitter.

I never knew a gooey sticky child could possibly leave that much destruction in their wake.

I never knew that magic was alive and well in this world.

I never knew little boys could eat so. much. food.

And they're not even teenagers yet!

I never knew music could sound so sweet.

I never knew butterflies and snakes and doddle bugs were so fascinating, until I became a mother.

I never knew the sheer joys of a sunny day bike ride or the total pleasure of dipping hot sweaty toes into frigid river water could be sheer bliss, until I saw those things through the eyes of my children.

I never knew that my Mr Bird and my children would complete me.

That they would complete me in ways I never even knew were incomplete.

They are my life, my everything.

They are the good and the bad, the bitter and the sweet.

They are better and worse than I ever imagined possible.

To my sweet babies on this mother's day I say, 

Thank you for making me a mommy.

I love you from here to eternity!

See's Candy and The Secret to Happiness

Every year my grandmother and my mother jointly send me a one pound gift certificate to See's Candy for Christmas.

Those of you who have had the pleasure of tasting these sweet morsels of chocolatey goodness, you know they are the Rolls-Royce of the chocolate world.

As a self proclaimed chocolate addict, there is nothing better than a whole pound of the best chocolates of my choosing.

The only problem is that during the Christmas season we are literally bombarded with other sugary goodies.

The See's becomes just another sweet treat amidst all of the others.

Plus, last Christmas we the children were off sugar, so we put the certificate on a shelf and all but forgot about it.

And when I say forgot about it, I mean I thought and dreamed about it every single day, but I knew that the moment I redeemed it I would have 16 ounces of my drug of choice literally at my fingertips and I'd lose all control.

I'd hide it from my family and eat it locked in my bedroom until I was sick.

I simply could not bring myself to fall into it's grasp.

Until today.

As I walked into the tiny corner See's store I was hit with the sweet smell of chocolate that I have come to love about them.

Right as I walked through the doorway I saw a display with Easter candy, marked down to 50% off.

My mind raced!

Two pounds of chocolate all wrapped in Spring time clothes for the price of one!

Score!

  I found some cute dark chocolate, cream filled eggs with a cute yellow rose bud on top, I could not resist the cuteness.

I bought 4 of them (as gifts) and still had enough left to buy a few of my all time favorites for the ride home.

It was the perfect scenario, because I needed a few small gifts, I could still enjoy a couple of my favorite treats without gorging and becoming sick.

As the cashier bagged my goods and took my payment, she said to me with cheerful sunshine in her voice, "Enjoy your bag of happiness!"

My fist thought was, oh yes, I certainly will!

I thought about that cashier's words all the way home. 

 If only I really could purchase a bag of happiness.

I'm not talking momentary pleasure that melts away like chocolate in my mouth, I'm talking about the real deal.

The stuff that gets you out of bed in the mornings with a smile on your face, excited to face the day.

The stuff that makes everything better, even when life is hard.

The joy that comes and fills all the broken places in these ever so fragile hearts.

The assurance and peace that lights the days after we lose loved ones.

Not only that, I thought, if only I could buy true happiness and wrap it up in Spring time clothes to give to someone I knew was having a hard time.

Someone I could see struggling with the weight of the world on their shoulders, who just needed a little push into the light.

I could give it to them knowing it would not melt, or fade away, but would wrap their soul in joy that would fill their spirit instead of just their belly and fat cells.

Oh, how much easier life would be if I could buy happiness from a chain store and spread it all around.

If only if it were as easy as giving a gift of fine chocolates.

But the gift of happiness has already been purchased.

It is a gift that is wrapped in the love and hope of Spring time.

It is given to all, free for the taking.

The price was not a gift certificate to a store in the mall, but the blood of Christ and given 3 days later with an empty tomb.

That empty tomb fills my soul with warmth and sunshine and, dare I say the word, happiness.

It has healed too many cracks in my heart to count.

It has dried my bitter tears and brought sweet tears of joy into my eyes.

It gives me the courage to fight the good fight, each and every day.

All because of Him, all because He is risen and promises life and salvation to all who believe.

 Because He lives, so do I.

San Diego, Again

For those of you who are regulars here on my blog, you know that Mr Bird has an annual conference in San Diego in the Spring.

You would also rememebr that for the past 5 years or so every time he goes on this Spring 4 day business trip something horrible happens while he's away.

It has become a joke around here.

Oh no, the San Diego trip is upon us, what can possibly go wrong this year?!?!

Last year Doodle got deathy ill, I have never seen any of my kids that sick before or since.

The year before that I was pregnant with M&M and my water broke 2 1/2 weeks early (I had gone over my due date with ALL of my other children). 

One year we had the fire department at the house.

One year I ran over a tricycle and punctured a hole in the nearly full 40 gallon gas tank in the suburban.

Seriously, you'd think we're jinxed.

It's like the heavens are testing me to see how much I can handle while he's away.

Apparently I have finally passed the test.

Because guess what?!?!

Mr Bird was in San Diego this past week and nothing happened!

Well, things happened, but nothing strange or stressful or scary.

Everything was normal, smooth sailing.

A little boring, even.

 I did not dare say anything about it out loud until he was safe at home and in my bed late last night.

We both laughed a giddy kind of victory laugh that we had beaten the San Diego curse!

How did I do it, you ask.

We barely left the house the entire 4 days. 

We are so out of groceries right now since its been 2 weeks since I last shopped, but I did not want to leave the house and give the cosmos a chance to explode all over us again.

We hulled up like the end of the world would happen if we left the house.

We did venture out one day to go to scouts and activity days and to buy our traditional Spring baby chicks.

Even then my mind raced at the possible bad outcomes.

But we survived, all of us, even the 6 new fluffy baby chickies!

It's a miracle, Praise be to God!

The Anatomy of Love

Love is a many splendid thing. 

Poets write sonnets about it.

Singers sing about it, movies try to portray it.

People through out the ages have tried to define it.

Every one has an opinion about it.

As we all know Valentine's Day is the national day of love.

Since getting married eons ago and having children, my definition of love has gone through several metamorphosis. 

Love is a living, growing thing.

This week, it underwent a new, totally unexpected change.

We all know there are different kinds of love.

The love of a child, the love for your lover, love of friends, family, etc.

They are all different, all just as important.

Since having children Valentine's Day have shifted as well.

It's no longer about just Mr Bird and I.

We include our children in our Valentine's Day extravaganza.

We make whatever meal we're having shaped like a heart, exchange Valentine's and enjoy the night as a family.

And yes, chocolate is always involved.

I now have 6 Valentine's instead of one.

Lately I have been baby hungry, for those of you who know me, this is no huge secret.

I am beginning to wonder if the baby hunger will ever go away.

It seems no matter how many babies I have, I just want more.

But, it's not really feasible for us to have more at this point.

I'll spare you the boring details.

So instead I hijack any baby that I can get my hands on.

M&M stayed home from church with daddy the other week because she was sick.

Since I didn't have my hands full with a very busy toddler I had time to sit and listen and think.

I found myself scoping out the congregation in search of a baby I could  steal, just for an hour or so.

There was one 3 rows up, but I could not think of a way to get at her in a discrete manner.

So I sat day dreaming.

Then the other night I was with a group of friends, one of whom has a 2 month old boy.

He is absolutely beautiful, just at the age where he smiles huge grins at anyone who will look at him.

Can you guess who dominated that baby?

We had a grand time together.

So why can't I get enough babies?

I think I found the answer.

LOVE!

Babies are pure love, straight from God.

And I am addicted.

I used to think I needed a new baby because I LOVE the newborn stage.

And I love the squishy baby stage.

And I love the toddler stage. 

The 2 year olds are my favorite, I can't get enough of the cuteness.

They grow up too fast and then I don't have any more babies.

You've heard this all form me before, right?

Well, here's the Epiphany.

I also love the 5 year old stage and the 9 year old and the 11 year old stage.

Turns out, it's not the stages I'm in love with, it's the children themselves, whatever their phase in life.

I have a suspicion I will adore the teenage phase and the young adult phase and the married children phase as well.

I get giddy thinking about the grandma stage.

Not to say any of those will be without challenge, but none of the a fore mentioned phases has been totally smooth sailing, either.

For me, It's love at first sight and I can't get enough of them.

My capacity to love grows with each new baby.

My love grows right along side my children.

It has been the biggest joy of my life to have these little ones come into my home and to see them grow and change and it melts my heart at each and every phase of their little lives.

So the reason I can't get enough babies is because, to me,

 babies = more love and joy.

And who wouldn't want more love and joy?

So, at this phase in my life I have to be content with the love of my nearly 2 year old (I plan to relish this next year with her to the fullest!), and my 5 year old, and my almost 8 year old and my 9 year old and my soon to be 11 year old.

I love it all, even the hard times.

Even I have to admit, I have more love in my life than I probably deserve.

And every day I thank God for it all!

A Little Excitement for These January Blues

Does anything random ever happen to you?

Whom do you tell when it does?

Your BFF? Your Neighbor? Everyone you know?

Well, this is me telling everyone I know about this random thing that happened yesterday.

The good news is that it did not happen to me, I just watched the events unfold.

 Granted, at the time I felt I was a little too close for comfort.

Then, after the ordeal passed, I had enough adrenaline to power 10 Energizer Bunnies.

I had a few errands to run after lunch.

Abby likes to practice babysitting so I've been leaving the children home alone for short periods of time if I know I'm staying near by.

They actually do really well, I could not be more pleased with my children. 

In my most humble opinion, I have some of the best kids on the planet.

While I was driving up Riverdale Road a siren caught my attention.

I looked in my rear view and saw a police SUV behind a white SUV, advancing quickly.

I did my duty and pulled over to the right side of the road until they passed.

As they passed I noticed that the white SUV was still in front of the cop.

"Pull over, DUH!!!", I was thinking to myself.

I wondered how this guy could miss the fact that the police man wanted to get past him.

The more I watched I noticed that the police car was literally inches from the SUV's bumper.

It became obvious.

This guy wasn't going to stop.

Just then the light turned red.

I few cars in font of the SUV stopped, so he did too.

I have no doubt that if those cars were not there, the SUV would have gone through the red light.

That's when all the action started.

The police officer was out of his car like a flash, guns drawn, running to the driver-side door of the SUV.

I could hardly believe my eyes.

Just then I hear more sirens, then more. 

Within seconds 3 more police vehicles had arrived on the scene.

Since the light was red, all I could do was watch this all unfold.

I prayed the biggest prayer I have ever prayed that no shots would be fired.

Nervous adrenaline, anyone?

I watched as the cop kept his weapon pointed on the perp all while he yanked him out of the SUV, slammed his face against the back of the wet glass and handcuffed him.

I have never been more grateful to see handcuffs in my life.

 It meant the danger of any stray bullets coming my way was most likely gone.

Then the light turned green.

I was sort of frozen for a moment.

Was I just supposed to keep going? Yes, that's it! Green light means GO!

Nothing left to see, just get on your way.

Sometimes it helps to listen to the voices inside your head.

I could hardly believe what I had just seen.

Had I really just witnessed a real live police chase?

 Indeed, indeed I had.

And I lived to tell about it, to boot!

A Million Flecks of Light

photo by deviantart.com

Last Saturday it snowed.

Considering it's January in Northern Utah, that's not at all surprising.

It was a very light snow, hardly a flurry.

It was not enough to pull out the snow shovels or the plows. 

If you weren't paying attention you may have missed it all together.

It was barely enough to cast a glittery shimmer over the already snow covered ground.

As I was pulling out of the driveway (long before I even wanted to be out of bed) in the early morning light, a gleam caught my eye as I looked over my shoulder and into the rising sunshine.

Glitter.

Glitter was literally falling from the sky. 

I sat and marveled for a few sweet moments before I went about the busyness of the day.

An hour later I found myself waiting outside in the car for my kids to finish their piano lessons.

As the minute snow flakes fell I watched as they landed intact on the windshield.

Each snow flake fell individually, perfectly, beautifully.

We all marveled at the detail as we studied their minute structures.

It was a frigid 5 degrees outside, so the tiny ice sculptures were in no hurry to melt.

We spent a few more sweet moments lost in their trance.

They held us spellbound, in complete childlike wonder.

But to me, those 6 pointed masterpieces were more than mere snowflakes.

You see, Someone upstairs knows I like it when the snow looks like glitter.

It makes me smile, and He knows it.

It was a gift from Him to me.

It could have not been more personal a gift had He wrapped it and left it on my pillow with a big red bow on top.

The glitter snow is quite literally what got me through the hard, dark, frozen winter in Mascouche.

We'd drive along the open fields all glowing with glitter snow and it brought the light to my soul that He knew I needed.

Two days later and the temperatures are as frigid as ever.

The cold makes me feel hopeless.

Spring, the promise of going outside without the Michelin Man coat, is still light years away.

Winter has only just begun, the reality hits me like a brick.

These long winter days, separated by a sheet of ice from my mountains and my sunshine that I need like breath, put me in a very bad mood.

I get restless and irritable, cabin fever at its worst.

Yet, as we drove past the open fields near our home after a peaceful Sunday service, the glitter snow made me smile.

It said to me, "I am here, I hear you, I am your light."

That sweet glitter snow, it makes the winters bearable.

It brings light into the darkness.

"Darkness can not drive out darkness only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate only love can do that."~Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

 He is my light, my million flecks of light.

He is my comfort, my peace, my warm apple pie, my snuggle from a sleepy babe.

He has lit my life in innumerable ways.

As I watch the open fields all swimming in glitter snow, all I see is His love.

 

 

Banana Milk

Do I have the perfect treat for you!

Only if you like bananas though.

I have a weird relationship with bananas.

I can not and will not peel a banana and eat it.

They make me gag.

But I LOVE banana bread and banana pancakes.

Artificial banana flavoring is probably the nastiest thing man has ever created.

Those banana Laffy Taffys? I'd rather eat dirt than one of those horrendous things.

But this banana milk is splendid, and probably the easiest thing to make.

It's perfect for a quick breakfast when nothing else sounds good to eat.

It's perfect for an afternoon snack when you know it's still 2 more hours until dinner time but you are starving right now.

It's perfect with a peanut butter and honey sandwich at lunch time.

It's really just perfect any ol' time.

Perfect Banana Milk

1 Cup milk (I use local raw milk from cows that have not been treated with antibiotics or growth hormones and are grass fed)

1 large banana

1 splash vanilla

Place all ingredients in the blender. In my Blendtec I push the whole juice button. Blend until smooth. Enjoy. I usually quadruple the recipe for my children and myself. When Mr Bird's home I make two batches.

For an extra tasty treat I peel bananas when they are getting too ripe and put them in the freezer (in gallon size freezer bags). Then when we want an all natural healthy dessert we pull out the frozen bananas and they make the best banana frosty you'll ever eat. My kids beg for these a couple times a week. And since we almost always have frozen bananas (I buy 15 pounds of bananas every week!) it's perfect! Totally guilt free and delicious!