Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Multiple Choice

What would you do if your 7 year old Heathen did this to your leather couch?
a. Beat him to a pulp
b. Put him in time out for the rest of his life
c. Scream at him until you're blue in the face
d. Lock yourself in your bedroom and cry like a baby

While none of these reactions seem rational, a part of me wanted to do all of the above.
But instead I chose d
Then I called Mr Bird for his counsel.
He told me not to let my pregnancy hormones get too out of control (as I sobbed into his ear piece) and we'd talk to Beano when he got home from work.
So for now he knows something is coming, he just doesn't know what yet.
And quite frankly, neither do I.
How is a parent to respond?
I know it's only a couch, but come on, in reality it is a big deal.
The tear is right on the middle cushion, when we sit on it now it will only stretch and get worse.
Then it's only a matter of time before little fingers start pulling at the exposed stuffing.
It's ruined, completely worthless now, the whole couch.
And what do you do when it's a part of a 4 piece set.
Basically the whole living room set is ruined, totally destroyed.
I can not be the only person in this house trying to take care of our things.
Don't even get me started about what they did on Saturday concerning a box of apples.
I don't want to live in a dump (I had enough of that as a child), but it seems like everyday our kids are trying their darndest to destroy everything we own.
OK, I may be letting my emotions get the best of me and I may be exaggerating just a little.
But really, how am I supposed to shower without the house falling down around my ears?
What can they demolish in the 30 seconds it takes me to empty my bladder?
I'm afraid to find out.
It's like they wait for the moment my eyes wonder away for 2 seconds and something else is drenched with water or scratched or broken.
I am seriously going to loose it.
I am even temped to send them to public school just so I can have a moment of peace, not worrying about the house falling to the ground because I decide to check my e-mail, like every other mother in America gets.
Then I could clean my house in the morning and it might stay that way for 4 whole hours.
That is music to my ears right now...

I bet you're wondering what he used to gouge my couch beyond repair?
Yup, that tiny thing.
It's the blade from a hand held pencil sharpener.
Yesterday Doodle was sharpening a pencil and the little screw worked its way out and the blade went flying. We looked high and low, but it was nowhere to be found.
Well, I guess Beano found it this morning.

So, seriously, I need advise.
How is a parent to respond?

p.s. I really am temped to drive them to the local elementary school in the morning and enroll them all. Please, someone talk me out of it!


Just Lara said...

I'm so sorry! We are wondering the same things at our house. Children destroy everything! I need new couches but I haven't bothered because I know they'll ruin them too. I often send all of them to their rooms when I shower so they don't destroy the house or kill each other. Even 11 and 13 year olds can't be trusted. Remember what they did in farmer boy when the parents left town?

I have a story for you to listen to about "Thats what boys do."

Anonymous said...

They're all evil! You think it will get better when they get older, but they don't. I have daily struggles not to completely go off the deep end with them. The other day "someone" sat on the couch and un-weaved a big long string. That can't be done on accident. I honestly don't know whats wrong with them. And dont get me started on their bedrooms...
I'm sorry that happened to you and your couch Sara. I love you. Just be glad you don't have 2 stupid dogs, too. :)

Anonymous said...

My first thought is to put duct tape over it and go about you life as usual. Certainly don't replace it with a house full of young children. Not knowing him, I can imagine he had a new undiscovered tool in his hand and just wanted to learn what it does. Not malicious, just curious.

Sandra said...

OMG! You didn't put an "all of the above" choice. That's the one i would have picked.
The boy is ingenious, though. Who knew you could commit vandalism with a pencil sharpener.

Karen Peterson said...

I have no words of advice. But I think it's funny that the captcha under this comment is "traps." Seems kind of fitting. Set up traps around the house and every time they start to get into something they shouldn't, suddenly a rope snaps them up by the ankles and leaves them dangling until you decide they are fit to be released.

I understand the desire to buy a new couch, but I think that's sort of too easy. I think at 7 he'll probably be left with the impression that when something is broken or otherwise destroyed, mom and dad just go buy a new one and that's that. I think this lesson needs to hang around for awhile.