I am baby hungry.
There, I said it.
It's out there for the whole wide world to see.
What am I thinking?
Yes, I know I already have 4 of them.
I can't help it.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
Lately I see a baby and my ovaries start jumping and screaming,
"In here, we're in here!"
I really am in a pickle though cuz Mr Bird wants no more children.
That's it, he's done folks.
No question about it, he has zero desire to quench my baby thirst.
So I have decided to make a list of all the reasons I should be glad there will be no more babies, maybe I'll feel better by remembering all the hard parts of parenthood.
1. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night 3 times a night to rescue a starving infant.
2. I don't ever want another breast infection.
3. I don't ever want to snuggle close to a little nursing baby with a sweet sweaty head. Ahem, back to business.
4. I don't want to have another 2-3 years of diaper duty.
5. I don't want to be the first to witness the miracle of a first smile, ever again! Never, I tell you!
6. I don't want to be intoxicated by the sweet scent of another ever so soft and subtle baby head.
7. I just can't handle the little baby rolls on their little legs. You know, the ones that touch their little bums.
8. And bums, don't get me started on bums.
9. I never want to see another little naked baby bum racing for the bathroom all ready to get in the tubby, squealing for delight the whole way. I can't handle the squeals, I tell you.
I think I got distracted for a minute, sorry. Seriously.
10. I don't want any more hospital bills.
11. And where would we put another baby anyway?
12. I definitely don't want Doodle to have a sister, cuz that would just be wrong.
13. Plus, it's so hard to have 5 kids cuz someone would always be partner less on the rides at Lagoon or any other theme park (me, me, pick me! I'll sit alone, or on a bench while you all go nuts on those crazy rides).
14. I never want to see a little baby finger pointing and "ooo"ing in amazement at the mysterious rain drops hitting the windshield as we drive down the road.
15. I never want to be engorged again. If there were any guys reading this, I'm sure they're gone by now. TeeHee.
16. I really am OK with my size almost A bra.
17. I never want to gain 30 pounds in 9 months ever again, thank you very much.
18. I never want to be in labor. OK, really, this might be working. Labor might not be worth having another baby.
19. I never want to see the wobbly legs and outreached hands of a baby taking its first steps.
20. I definitely don't want the potty training part.
21. I don't want to see any more amazingly big blue eyes smile up at me in delight as they deliberately dump their whole dinner on the floor.
22. No more baby curls, they're banned!
23. Oh and no more sitting through church with another squirmy wormy baby who's almost old enough for nursery, but not quite.
24. And I defiantly don't want to teach another child about Christ and His gospel and watch with sheer wonder as their own little testimony starts to sprout.
25. I don't want another set of hugs and kisses every night before bed time, cuz really I have enough already.
Who am I kidding? This is not working. If you have a baby, watch out. I may just have to come over and steal it for a while. Or forever, no big deal. Don't worry I'll give it back when it becomes a teenager, I promise!