Thursday, March 24, 2011

Glow in the Dark Baby

My little M&M has been under the bili lights for 2 days and counting.
When I first found out she'd have to be there 24/7 it nearly broke my heart.
I literally sobbed as I strapped her into the little blue cocoon.
I can take her out to nurse and change her diapers, but that's it.
Even then she has a portable bili light strapped to her tiny chest.
The whole thing is so pitiful.
It's like she's being quarantined from our family.
We just got her and now we can't even hold her.

Logically, my brain knows it's good for her and will only benefit her in the long run.
But try telling that to my heart, whose wanted nothing more than to snuggle that sweet thing for 8 1/2 very long months.
Putting your baby on some alien experiment looking tray instead of rocking and cuddling and cooing at her goes against every fiber of motherhood.
It's like trying to tell the sun to stop shining or stopping the Spring from springing.

We are trying to be positive though.
We have thought of a few funny names for our little science experiment.
Lily Bili
Glow Worm
Radio active Baby
Glow in the dark Baby
Baby from the Blue Lagoon
She's our own Little Blue M&M
(I think the blue ones might be my new favorite color)
We are counting the hours until we can turn the lights off and get on with the serious business of hugging and kissing that tiny face.
For now, I take my time nursing and burping her and cherish the smell of her tiny head.
I lie right next to her in my bed and stare into her eyes when she's awake.
We have really good talks.
I have explained to her why she's there, I don't think she quite gets it though.
I listen to her tiny squeaks and hiccups and remember what it felt like when she had those in my belly every single night.
I marvel at the miracle she is and dream of our future together.


Scotty & Emily said...

Awwwwhhhh!!! So you don't know when she gets out, huh. :( Well, it won't be soon enough, and then you won't get to have her be a baby long enough. :)

Julie said...

congrats on your new baby. We are so happy for you!

Allison and Darin said...

Oh, she is so beautiful. What a hard thing to go through though! You're such a great mommy.

FowersFive said...

I'm so sorry she has to do that! Do you think it will make her a fan of tanning beds later in life? :) The pics of your blue little M are incredible. I've never had a blue baby before and had no idea what it was like. My friend had a baby this week and he weighed the same as your baby and has to have the same treatment. Poor dears. Hope its over soon for you!