Number Five

I'm pretty sure 5 is a lucky number.
At least it is for me.
I am so excited I can hardly contain myself, literally.
Mr Bird told me I had to wait until my first doctor's appointment to say anything about baby number 5, who is due to join our family April 2, 2011.
Well, today was my lucky day.
I told Mr Bird that I would not be able to wait that long until I spilled the beans, especially to people like my sisters and favorite nieces and certain family members and good friends.
I think half the world already knew before today.
So if you already knew our big news consider yourself in at least one of those categories.
What can I say, I just can't keep my mouth shut.
From the moment I knew for sure I felt like I would bust at the seams with excitement.
Part of me was a little nervous though.
I had fears of twins.
A friend of mine recently had a pretty ugly ectopic pregnancy (love you girl) and for some reason that put the fear in me.
Every little twinge of pain would throw me into sheer terror.
I had not experienced that terror with any of my other pregnancies.
So seeing our single little bean in the right place with it's fluttering little heart beat on the monitor today instantly put my fears to rest.
I was struck by how tiny and vulnerable this little being is.
I was struck by how much I love my baby already.
I just can't wait, it's going to be a long 9 months!
I guess this means Baby Cakes need a new bloggy name.
Any ideas?

SODAS

Guess what? I have really good news!
I have a reader!
I am so excited about this.
I really thought I was just writing to myself and stuff, but as it turns out someone actually reads my psycho babble.
I guess last week when I posted about The Ladder I mentioned SOADS and I never followed up on what they were.
My reader pointed out my error
(truthfully, I did not even remember I'd promised to explain. I'm getting old).
So here we go, SODAS is one of the little secrets I learned from Nicholeen Peck.
I use them all the time and I love them.
The kids, not so much, but I'm sure they will once they become parents.
SODAS is an acronym for Situation, Options, Disadvantages, Advantages, Solution.
So when a child is in 24 hour consequence they get to practice SODAS, a lot.
I give them a situation, for example: Your brother knocks down your block tower.
The child then has to come up with 3 options for his reaction.
For example he might say, "I could get mad and hit him or I could go tell mom or I could chose to share the blocks and build another tower with my brother."
Then we take it one step farther and he comes up with 3 Disadvantages for each option.
For example, the disadvantages of getting mad and hitting would be a time out, or the brother could hit back or his brother could get hurt.
He comes up with 3 for EACH option.
Then he comes up with three Advantages for each option.
For example, the advantages of getting mad and hitting might be the brother does not want to play anymore so I get all the blocks to myself, etc.
A lot of times they can't come up with advantages for bad behavior, or disadvantages for a good option.
Thus, they teach themselves the lesson by thinking it through and problem solving rather than me lecturing all the time.
Because we all know that when mom starts talking they tune out.
This is a brilliant way for the kids to teach themselves the things they need to learn to get along in the real world.
From Nicholeen's blog:
"The idea is that your child will become so natural at doing mental SODAS that they will problem solve all of life's problems, by the time they are adult age. By the time youth reach age 18 they should have all the basics of problem solving down, so that they can achieve their goals and lead out in their communities. "
I love this. As parents, it's our job to help our children to become reasonable and responsible adults.
I can't think of a better way to meet that end.
Cause and effect.
The last 'S' is for solution.
After talking about all the advantages and disadvantages they choose which option they think is the best and this is their solution.
Sometimes, just to be ornery, they still will say, "I'd chose to get mad and hit!"
And that is fine with me.
Again,from Nicholeen:
"Remember, whatever they choose to pick during the SODA is OK. Don't try to make them pick what you think is right. After going through the exercise, they know what is right, but sometimes they will test you to see if you really want them to choose for themselves, or if you want them to just choose what you think they should choose. Let them choose, and then if they choose a bad choice, simply say, "It is very interesting that you chose to... I am so glad that I know how you would handle this situation...This helps me better be able to decide what kinds of situations I can allow you to be in and not be in."
As long as they know that when they chose that behavior, the consequences will follow.
They, in essence, hand pick their consequences.
Doodle is to a point where she writes this out like an assignment, it's way better than writing, "I will not hit my brother." on the chalk board 100 times.

Beano and Dubs don't have terrific writing skills yet, so it's verbal with them.
I love getting in their brains and making them think and see the lights come on.
Baby will come to love them in time as well, I'm sure of it.
You really do need to read Nicholeen's post about SODAS, she's amazing.
Happy SOADS everyone, and Happy Birthday TO ME!
P.S. thanks for reading!

Dream Number 5,297

My Blog.
In my dreams I post on my blog at least once a day.
I always have something witty and thought provoking to say.
People come back day after day to laugh at the musings of me.
They just can't get enough.
I have tons of followers and people just want to give me stuff because they like me.
While all of this is happening I spend quality one on one time with each of my children every day.
I still make beautifying and cleaning my home a top priority.
In fact it's so clean all the time you could eat off the tile in the kitchen if you really wanted to.
I prepare gourmet organic meals 3 times a day and my children love and eat every bite of their meals.
We never waste food because we know there are starving children in Africa.
Laundry is always clean and perfectly folded and tucked neatly away in dressers and closets.
There is never a stray sock to be seen littering the bathroom floor.
I never yell or scream or nag at my children.
My children get up in the morning and spend several hours studying music and math and history without even a word of encouragement from me.
I spend my time in service projects to better our local community.
I teach all kinds of home school co-ops and our home school friends think of our house as their second home.
I bake fresh cookies several times a week to share with visitors and sick neighbors.
Sound out of reach?
Maybe, but I'm working on it.
I have such ideas about my ideal life and, as you can see, I fall short every day.
Really though, I feel so guilty when I neglect my blog for so long.
Maybe when all my kids leave home for bigger, better lives I can find a spare moment or a shred of energy to stay caught up.
For now, I guess you'll just have to take what you can get.

The Ladder

We have started a new system in our house that has been working miracles.
My kids are suddenly doing jobs without me asking them to.
If I don't make my bed as soon as I get up, some little person is in there making it for me.
Dubs went to bed distraught one night worried that there would not be enough jobs to do the next day.
What 5 year old do you know who's worried about not having enough jobs?
My kids are generally more kind to each other.
Arguing? Gone.
Back talking? None.
Rolling of eyes and general disrespect? No more.
When I ask them to do something they say, "OK, mom!" with a smile on their face and they run to do it.
Sound too good to be true?
Well, let me tell you, it's really not.
It's ever so much simpler than I could have ever imagined.
It's called The Ladder.
It's heaven sent.
I stole the idea from a friend, then modified it to fit our family.
I am thinking about modifying it again now that we've been doing it for a few weeks, just to tweak a few things to better suit us.
The Ladder is basically a list of privileges, I have listed 10.
Things the kids like and that are super cool are at the top of The Ladder.
Things that are boring and even undesirable are at the bottom of The Ladder.
Each child has a button (stuck on with poster tack) on The Ladder to mark where they are.
They move up The Ladder for good behavior as invited to do so by either myself or Mr Bird.
If we notice a child being kind or sharing without being asked, we invite them move their button up one level.
If two children are fighting or if they argue after being given an instruction they are invited to move their button down one level, thus losing a privilege.
The children can have any privilege that his button is on or any of the ones below his button.
Here's what our Ladder looks like right now.

1. Alone time with Mom and Dad (if a child has his button on this level they will be invited to make a run to the hardware store with Daddy or may be invited to go on date night with mom and dad or some other sort of one on one time with one or both of us.)
2. Screen Time (computer or movie)
3. Play Day with Friend
   
4. Personal bedtime story (after prayers and the family bedtime story, I pull each child who is at or above this level one at a time to read a story of their choice. Beano and I are reading Indian in the Cupboard and he loves it. He is never below this level for fear of missing this.)
   
5. Make Dinner with Mom (my kids love to do this and fight over whose turn it is. Doodle's night is Monday, but if she's below this step on The Ladder she will have to miss her turn. Beano gets Tuesday, Dubs gets Wednesday, Baby gets Thursday and Friday is date night. We just wing it on the weekends.)
6. Family activity (park, museum, Ogden Nature Center, hike, etc. All the kids must be on or above this level)
   
7. Play outside during free time
8. Snacks (I put this pretty low on The Ladder because I wanted them to all be able to have snacks, but it they are really naughty they miss eating a snack, which is a fate worse than death in this house)
9. Fold a batch of laundry (I always can use help in this department)
10. Dish Duty! (When dishes need done the person at the bottom of The Ladder gets to do them, no questions asked)
    

To them it's like a real life version of a board game.
They have a visual of where they are and it has been miraculous for us.
Here are some tips and general rules for our family.

• Any hitting or pushing or biting or pinching or anything of that nature is automatically 3 steps down.
• Telling a lie is 3 steps down.
• Most any other bad behavior is one step down. Such as back talking, eye rolling, arguing, yelling at sibling, unkindness and selfishness, etc.
• Good behavior is one step up, such as doing something for the family without being asked, sharing, obedience, using kind words, helpfulness, etc.
• Our world does not stop to accommodate a privilege. They are only allowed to have screen time after dinner is cleaned up, not anytime they want it just because their button is there. Play days with friends must be arranged before hand and will be canceled if the child does not stay at or above that level. These privileges must fit in our regularly scheduled programing.
  
• If someone moves someone else's button they go down one.
  
• If they ask if they can move up because of some deed or kindness the answer is automatically no. They must wait to be invited. They are allowed to tell me that they did an extra job, then I determine if they go up or not.
  
• If a child is at the bottom and ends up falling off The Ladder that means they have earned a 24 hour consequence. That means no privileges for 24 hours. The only things they are allowed to do during those 24 hours are jobs, SODAS (I'll post about those later), and school work. Their world literally stops for them and they do not have the opportunity to get back on the ladder or start going back up until the 24 hours are over.
• Where I put them back on after the 24 hours depends on their behavior during the 24 hour consequence. If they were horrible and thew fits at every instruction or refused to be helpful, I'll put them at the bottom level where they risk falling off again and must work hard to get back up. If they were super obedient and had a good attitude and were kind to the family I'll put them at or near the top. If they are just OK, but not horrible, I'll put them near the middle.
• If a child is near the bottom it usually means they need a little more love and attention from me or Mr Bird. In that case I spend time looking in their eyes and talking to them, it seems to be just the boost they need and before I know it they are kind and I can find opportunities to invite them to move up.
• If I'm grumpy they all seem to end up near the bottom, go figure.
• This has given them personal responsibility for their actions. It shows them immediate consequences for their choices. I don't have to get upset, I just let the lack of privilege do the teaching.
• Baby has a button, too. he moves it around willy nilly, but does not really understand the concepts yet. He has to be part of it though. I'm training him for later.

This is really long.
I hope it makes sense.
I really love it!

Confessions of a Desperate Housewife

Some days I just feel exhausted.
Like someone has connected a wire to my insides and just started sucking all the life out of me.
I feel drained and unmotivated.
I had a million things to do today and only got to about 1/3 of them.
I have been walking around since I woke up with my work out clothes on in hopes of getting my work out in.
But it never happened, so I never showered or bothered to change out of them or even comb my frizzy ponytail hair.
By the time Mr Bird got home I was ready for some quiet.
But since our baby sitter canceled I knew our weekly date night was out of the question.
So I did what any desperate house wife would do.
I thew on some shoes and made my way to Wal-Mart.
How sad is it that I look to Wal-Mart for a refuge of peace and quiet.
That must tell you how my day was.
I would have gone to Target, but I was not dressed for Target.
You know those web sites with pictures of shamefully dressed people walking the isles of Wally World?
I could have put some of those people to shame.
My hair was haphazardly thrown in a ponytail, my workout clothes were limp and ugly from a day of cooking and cleaning.
I did not realize how much pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes I was wearing on my shirt until I looked down in the store.
I spent the rest of my shopping trip Praying I would not see someone I know and crossing my arms over my shirt to hide the stains.
Classic.
Beautiful.
Shameful.
I looked like a home school mom.
I looked like one of those cats that has been thrown in a tub of water with an awful expression, whose eyes seem too big for the rest of its pitiful little self.
If you had seen me today you would have either laughed or stared in utter amazement.
I was truly a sight to behold.
Tomorrow, I am showering first thing!

Go Brad!

Yet another dream come true!
Not only did I get to be in a parade, I got to be in charge of the float and boss people around.
As head of the parade committee, I also was in charge of organizing all 5 local parades in the span of 2 weekends.
Man, what a ride!

We all had a total blast, most of the time.
Between an unexpected death in the family just a few days before the first parade and finding a new lead fiddler, we were definately feeing the pressure.

As you can see, we opted to forgo the equestrian route.
We did not feel any of our horses were parade ready at this point.
You know horses and loud unexpected sounds.
Some horses are used to it after lots and lots of training, or they get a big dose of tranquilizers before such big events.
Since we were not willing to drug our animals, we opted for the next best thing.

Live country music, of course!
My cute nieces Jeni and Jordana we on fiddles, Mr Bird on his coolest ever bass, Mama Lisa on guitar and Justin the Great on banjo.
It was an all out moving Howe Down complete with near deafening sound system!
My job was to walk beside the trailer and giver Otter Pops and American flags (with Brad Galvez stickers attached) to the cute kids in the crowd.

And there he is, the man himself, larger than life.
Two Saturdays in a row we had an early parade and then we rushed to the next local city just in time to sneak in their line up and do it all over again.
The mornings were early (even for us) and the heat and excitement of it all was exhausting.

Baby Cakes (whose not really a baby anymore) had the very important job of waving the flag from the back seat of the truck at all the cute girls.
He rocked!
As you can see, it was too much for my little man.
As soon as we hopped in the truck to head back to our vehicles, he was out like a light.
It seriously only took 3 seconds!

Even so, who can resist a spontaneous post parade horse ride party in grandpa's shady back yard?
Not my little man, he's never happier than he when he's on a horse!

Was it all I dreamed it would be?
Will I ever do something this crazy again?
Were my kids on a sugar high for the next 3 days straight?

Yes, Yes and YES!

Only next time, one parade per year is good for me!

Back to Basics

Have you noticed that I love food?
I love to make food, I love to eat food and I love to feed those I love the wonderful creations I create.
I have been on a sour dough kick again.
Yesterday it was sour dough waffles for breakfast.
Today I made sour dough bagels.
They are to die for.
I could eat those everyday for the rest of my life and be perfectly happy.
Tonight for dinner we will have tortillas made with sour dough and tomorrow I'm making sour dough English muffins.
I can hardly wait!
I love nothing more than making healthy food and then watching my family enjoy it.
I love how these recipes have such few and simple ingredients, yet they taste divine.
I am ruined forever.
I started this journey in a quest for a healthier life style, but now I think I'm just spoiled.
I can't eat store bought bagels any more.
They taste like cardboard.
Homemade ones are chewy on the outside and super soft and moist on the inside.
They are not all the same exact cookie cutter shape.
They look hand crafted, I can see each imperfection in their shape and it makes me happy.
It's the same with everything I make.
The store bought version just seems like a sorry excuse for the real thing.
It's like the difference between picking a super red and juicy tomato from the vine and eating it while it's still warm from the sun's rays and then getting a tomato from the store that is almost red and has been sitting in a warehouse refrigerator for heaven only knows how long.
They are both a tomato, but if you've ever eaten one fresh you know what I'm talking about.
Pulling a warm, chewy cookie off the still hot cookie sheet is ever so much more satisfying than opening a package and eating the sad excuse for the same thing.
Sometime people give me flack for the way we eat.
I wonder why?
Really, store bought and fast food has only been available in the massive quantities that is today for the last 50 years or so.
Think of the whole rest of the history of the earth.
What did people eat then?
There were no Super Wal-Marts filled with man made flavors and preservatives at people's finger tips.
People ate what they could grow or what they could trade for.
And you now what? That simple way of eating not only works, but it tastes better and is infinitely better for you.
I know you all think I'm crazy, and I admit that I probably am.
But honestly, it seems a lot more crazy to me to fill my kids full of additives just because I'm too busy or tired or lazy to make them real food.
I mean that with all the love possible, but seriously, it's time to get back to basics.
The American diet is killing us.
It's making us fat and depressed and sick.
Did you know that if the current trends continue our children's generation is the first generation on average whose life expectancy will be significantly shorter than their parents.
That means that our children will die before us.
That is totally backwards.
Here's another scary fact.
If a child eats 2 bowls of sugar cereal a day until they are 12 years old, they are 100% sure to have diabetes by the time they are 18 years old.
Sad. Scary. Totally Unnecessary.
The good news? 100% preventable.
Make a change, any change.
Start small.
Stop buying cereal.
Make breakfast for a week straight.
It's summer time, we have time.
Make granola or muffins or a smoothie or pancakes or french toast or oatmeal (not the sugar boxed kind!).
Make anything, anything would be better than almost any cereal you can buy.
Try it for a week, even if the kids complain.
Trust me, you'll be glad you did!
We have got to see it for what it is and make a change.
At least Jamie Oliver agrees with me!