What I Know For Sure

I will be the first person to admit that I don't have all the answers.

I frequently question if I'm doing a good job at this thing called life.

I hope that I am.

I am beyond hesitant to even attempt this blog post, but given the circumstances, I can't help but feel compelled to. 

Last Friday same sex marriage was made legal in Utah by a federal judge.

I am a Mormon by faith, no secret there.

If you know anything about Mormonism, you know those two things don't mix.

It's like oil and water.

I believe in my faith, The Bible, The Book of Mormon and living prophets as much as I believe the sun will rise in the morning. 

It's a part of who I am, I truly believe I am who I am and where I am today because of my faith, it shaped my life and I live it as much as I possibly can.

If you know anything about how I grew up and my family circumstances you will believe me when I say my faith literally saved me.

I clung to it like a lifeline when everything else unraveled around me, it saved me from dark paths and bad choices.

I wish I could go into more detail about that, but this is not the post for that, maybe another time.

As much as I am Mormon, Mr Bird's sister is lesbian.

She and her partner have 2 beautiful sons.

Their lifestyle is just as much a part of their life as my Mormon faith is to mine.

They live it, they breath it, they love it.

They have been together since before Mr Bird and I even met, I don't even know for sure how long they've been together.

I do know their oldest son was 3 years old when I met the Weaver clan.

And can I say, he was absolutely the cutest little boy I had ever seen to that point.

 He literally captured my heart from day one.

He was always so happy and kind and giving.

And his eyes, they were to. die. for.

I could go on and on about him.

A few months before Beano was born they had another son.

Their second son is Beano's favorite cousin.

They are our favorite people to go camping with and to Bear Lake with and to have at Weaver Sunday.

So can you see my dilemma?

The dilemma the Weaver family has faced for over 15 years?

This week in particular I am feeling torn between my faith and this part of my amazing family whom I love dearly.

It feels as though a gaping whole has opened up and is dividing our family in two.

It breaks my heart and I have no idea what to do about it.

None of this changes how I feel about my family.

I still love them to pieces and would do anything for them.

With opposite views on this hot topic in this state it's easy to think that one of us is wrong.

One of us has to be wrong, and I honestly don't know which one of us it is.

I have not seen an angel or heard the voice of God telling me one way or the other, and as far as I know, neither have they.

I guess it's just one of those things we'll have to wait and ask when we stand before our maker when this life is over.

But for now we each think we are right, respectively.

So again, like so many times in my life I admit I don't have all the answers.

But here are a few things I do know for sure:

• God loves each and every one of us the same, no matter if you're black or white, rich or poor, Mormon or Jew or Muslim or lesbian or anything in between.
• I only pretend to know what I am doing most of the time.
• It is not my job to tell people what to do, I have a hard enough time deciding what I should do myself, let alone getting these 5 small people who call me mom to do what I tell them to do.
• I love chocolate so, so much and eat it anytime it's available to me. 
• I am not perfect, nor will I be in this life nor will any of you, so can we all just get on with the serious business of loving each other already?
• Christ is the answer, I have complete faith that He is the only one that can and will make sense out of this for us one day, and it will be all right.
• Every single person was placed on this earth with agency and the right to choose and to live the best life we can, the life that makes us happy. We answer to no one but God.
• My Mormon faith is my truth and makes me happy just as much as their life makes them happy and is their truth.
• I have no idea how those two things can both be truth, yet they do seem to be. Or  are they? I'm so confused.
• This life is short and we find happiness when we love one another and find ways to bridge the gap.
• I have enough of my own sins to worry about without worrying about if what someone else is doing is a sin or not.
• All we need is love, and chocolate. Every single person craves love and acceptance (and chocolate, unless you're one of the weird ones that doesn't).
• This is getting really cheesy, embrace the cheese.
• Being hurtful and judgmental and even having a greater than thou attitude are not attributes I want to have. 
• Family First, always and forever and no matter what!
• I can not stand the thought of having this issue divide our family or ruin future camping trips.
• I would do anything for my family, even attend a same sex marriage, because I love them and I know that that act speaks volumes of the love I have for them, I really would do anything for them.