To Every Thing There is a Season

Or so The Bible says.

And I full heartily agree.

In a little over a week we will mark the 5th anniversary of the passing of my dear mother-in-law.

Really, she was more like my real mother, but that's another post for another day.

She went back to her maker just a few short days before Christmas.

We buried her the day after.

That was a heavy year.

All of our hearts were filled with incredible sorrow.

The joy of the season was hard to find, but somehow we managed.

The next year took me by surprise. 

It was entirely more difficult than I had expected.

I felt more like crying than laughing the whole season long.

I had not expected that.

I thought that I would have some sad memories, but that for the most part I would be excited for Christmas and all the fun traditions our family enjoyed.

I had to force myself to be cheerful for the children and to carry on the traditions for their sake, because heaven knows if it weren't for them I would have brushed them off entirely.

In fact all of the holiday seasons since then have been difficult for me.

Until this year.

I heard a Christmas song on the radio a few weeks ago and I found myself jamming out, practically dancing in the car at a stoplight.

I was excited to feel the crispness in the air, to see lights appearing on houses, to decorate our home with my children, to make things for them with my own hands.

It occured to me one day that for the first time in years I was excited for the Christmas season.

Truely, deeply excited, all the way down to my toes.

For the first time I wanted to drink everything in, to feel it all and do it all.

It seemed as if the fog had lifted.

"To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance"

~Ecclesiastes 3:1&4
I just wish I could have had just a little more time to dance.

Just a few short days after I realized the joy was back in Christmas we got some news that stopped me dead in my tracks.

My most amazing brother-in-law, Brad has been diagnosed with stage IV kidney cancer that has metastasized to his spine and pelvis.

All of a sudden I find myself with only 2 weeks until Christmas and yet again I am feeling the pangs of sorrow and disbelief .

I have taken the children to see the Nutcracker and the lights at Christmas village and even the light parade complete with fireworks.

We have been busily readying for weeks of celebration and fun and once again I feel like the winds have left my sails. We are praying for Brad and nothing less than a miracle will do.

"A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away" 

~ Ecclesiastes 3:6

My prayer is that it's God's will that we keep Brad with us for a good long while, nevertheless, His will be done. At least until he's good and old with many, many children and grandchildren near his side. 

I have prayed this prayer so many times in the last few weeks that my heart aches from praying it. 

As if that were not enough, my sister-in-law, Teresa went in for an appointment with her cardiologist last week and ended up having emergency by pass surgery. They did 6 by passes. I did not even know that was possible.

 Prayers have been answered as Teresa is recovering beautifully. She will get more time to watch her boys grow and to "just keep swimming".

More reasons to dance and to mourn.

But for me the joy is not gone. The wonder on Little M&M's face as she looks at the shining lights of the tree is not lost on me.

The thrill of watching my kids make gifts and secretly hide them away brings that familiar warmth to my heart. 

So with tears in my eyes for a loving Savior who is merciful and kind and so giving, I embrace this wonderful season of birth and life and laughter, right along with the sorrow and pain of it all.

May this season find you all with happy hearts and warm homes.