Friday, August 31, 2012

I am Puff

I have been a Peter, Paul and Mary fan for as long as I can remember.
I don't even remember who first introduced me to them.
Songs like Blowin' in the Wind and Leaving on  Jet Plane run through my soul like the blood in my veins.
I know every word by heart and I can sing with the melody or harmony as my mood directs.
(And I am pretty darn good, if I do say so myself)
But my favorite has always been Puff the Magic Dragon.
It's always been a, well, magical song to me.
I could feel the Autumn mist in Honah Lee on my skin.
I may was well have been on the boat with billowed sails, right out front like Kate Winslet on the Titanic, hair blowing in the wind.
Oh how I longed to have painted wings and giants rings!
My heart always broke a little when Little Jackie Paper came no more.
I never knew why this song haunted me until recently.
Puff was blaring from the kitchen sound system (on vinyl, none the less) when suddenly the reality was blarringly obvious.
 I am Puff the Magic Dragon.
"A dragon lives forever, but not so little boys", the words pierced my heart with new meaning.
My little boys are growing up just like little Jackie Paper did.
My mother heart can not handle this.
I always want Beano running around the back yard, stick in hand , on some grand adventure.
I never want the fancy stuff he brings me, like the remains of a hatched robin egg and a fist full of dandelions, to stop.
Can't we just live forever in this little boyhood?
With all the fantastic stories and games that only we know the rules to.
Lately I am really feeling this in Beano.
He is growing up right under my nose.
While it is thrilling to watch, my heart wants to hold on so tightly to that little boy.
Being the mom is so hard and delightful and joyous and hard.
I love every minute of it, maybe a little too much.
I always want him to have that unquenchable curiosity and goodness that he has about him.
I love my Beano and I don't know what I'll do when he trades in his painted wings and giant's rings for other toys.
My tears already fall like rain at the mere thought.
I suppose I'll do what any good Puff would do, I'll cease my fearless roar and sadly slip into my cave.
But I'll always have the memories of a perfect little boy with perfect blue eyes and a perfect desire to just have fun!
And those memories?
They are oh, so good!


linnellbelle said...

You have me in tears right now Sara! I've been feeling the same way, watching Lil' Miss lose her baby cheeks and Super D turn into a little man. And don't even get me started on the startling aspect of man-hands on Awesome Joe and humongo feet on Max. You have such a way with words :)

Virginia said...

I never listened to the whole song. Thanks for sharing this and for sharing your thoughts. I love reading your blog!