Looks like we'll have another funeral in the coming days.
Jay's dear grandma Faye passed away last night.
We knew it was coming, just not quite this soon.
She lived a good, long life.
I can imagine with joy the reunion she is having right now with her husband and daughters.
The last few years it was extremely difficult to watch as Alzheimer's disease set in.
She always thought her husband was just outside and that Jay's mom could not come visit becuase she had to stay in Ogden.
We stopped telling her over and over again that they had passed away years before.
Grandma lived in Idaho Falls, the last time we visited was in January.
She kept on asking where grandpa was, at one point she said, " Grandpa was just here, he's right behind me now, isn't he?"
While we couldn't see him, I wonder if he wasn't often there taking care of her.
She knew, she could feel his love.
I am thrilled they are together, what a sweet moment I wish I could witness.
This will make 3 funerals in 3 months in 3 different states, it feels like too much.
I feel this immense load of grief has just been dumped on our family.
I didn't feel like I had a chance to fully grieve Brad before the tragedy with Josh.
Josh took center stage and all the things I wanted to do for and with Brad's family got pushed to the back burner.
When the week of Josh's funeral was over it was hard to get back into life.
It's hard to explain, I didn't feel like myself.
I needed to do things, but really had to force myself just to get the bare essentials accomplished in the day.
That is not me.
Then I went to Lisa's house last week and walked into her bathroom, through her bedroom, to talk with her as she was finishing her makeup.
Brad was in the bed the last time I had seen him.
Those images filled my mind even though Lisa's bed was neatly made.
There were pictures of the two of them all around the room.
It was too much, I had to fight back the tears.
And the tears for Brad haven't stopped since.
They fall right along side the ones for Josh and now grandma Faye.
They just won't stop falling.
It's hard mourning for so many people at once.
From one minute to the next my mind goes around all their sweet memories.
And I'm mad that all we have left are memories and photographs.
Like really, really mad.
I wasn't ready for any of these loved ones to go, yet they did.
We had so much we still wanted to do with them.
Looks like it wasn't up to me, because if it were this is not what I would have chosen.
But I guess it's time to "cowboy up" yet again and rejoice in another life well lived and trust in a God that knows more than I do.
He knew it was their time, even if I didn't agree.
So I will be content to trust in His wisdom and try not to cry so much and rejoice in a wonderful plan laid out by our Maker.
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
I have had so much joy in my life, with these family members specifically.
The Lord says that time is over and now it's time to weep and mourn.
I look forward with faith the times of healing and laughter and dancing that are still ahead for me and my beautiful life, because it really is beautiful.
Part of me thinks I need just one more baby to counter all this death and dieing.
What do you think? Sounds like a good idea to me!
1 comment:
I'm sorry for your losses. I hope you get some peace and comfort through all of this and that joy comes back to you soon.
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